Presidential Candidates in a Nutshell

Prior to president Obama’s speech on “jobs” tonight, I thought I’d jot down the most representative cynical statement that pops to mind about each of the candidates for president in 2012.

barack-obamaBarack Obama:

Compromise means you have to be willing to sacrifice all of your core beliefs.

rich-perryRick Perry:

Social security is a Ponzi scheme. PS: Jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs!

ron-paulRon Paul:

Heroin should be legalized. PS: Gold, gold, gold!


Mitt-RomneyMitt Romney:

My views may change based on who I’m speaking to, but my hair is always unchangeably perfect.

michelle-bachmannMichele Bachmann:

Sarah Palin without the charm. Ron Paul without the intellect.
PS: Two dollar gas if I’m president!

Jon-HuntsmanJon Huntsman:

I hold the radical belief that maybe possibly there’s a chance that science could be right on something.

herman_cainHerman Cain:

I have a plan with a catchy name for every problem in America. PS: Muslims, muslims, muslims, muslims!

newt-gingrichNewt Gingrich:

I agree with everyone here. Now I’m heading off to the Bahamas. Email me if I win.

rick-santorumRick Santorum:

I am genuinely surprised to be included in this blog post.


gary-johnsonGary Johnson:

I climbed Mount Everest. I am an actual small-government libertarian governor. But just listen to me talk for a minute. I’m obviously insane.

Sorry to present the field as a circus, but I’ve been quite cynical about the theater of it all. Intelligent debate is all but gone from the presidential campaigning process. I would love to see a 2-3 hour debate/conversation between Obama and a reasonable republican like Colin Powell or even Jon Huntsman. But that’s not happening…

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