i only love in retrospect
tip toe amongst conflicting facts
play rough with precious memories
as if they were old piano keys

1. i remember all the worst you've told me
while i look at a photo of you innocently smiling

2. i watch movies that you watched without me
while i was on your lap, drunk, snoring

3. i hold a knife, just as you held it
with strength not meant for cutting vegetables

4. i sleep alone with me inside you
with different history and different hair

what's then left besides pretending
with garbage rotting, friends complaining,
women lying about not lying,
i could just end it, but i keep trying