This is a tough one to write. I’m disappointed; just spent a few minutes looking through the screen lost in thought about life, the absurdity of pursuing goals, setting new goals, etc. I guess you can call these the dark moments after a tournament. I performed worse than I wanted, losing my last match by 2 points. I won’t say anything more about the matches except that I earned a total of 6 advantage points throughout the tournament for almost passing. That says it all to me.
The IBJJF put up a picture of my loss. I made it my computer’s desktop background to remind myself of what I was missing today.
The main reason for my disappointment is that I wanted to win gold as a confidence boost for Worlds in 5 weeks, and the reason I didn’t win is because my heart wasn’t in the match. That’s a crushing realization, and calls for a few changes in my training. It’s time to get serious. I have to build confidence in my technique and my cardio. I know exactly the things that need to be done. Given how much responsibilities I have at work, the things I know I need will be that much harder to get into my schedule. But I’ll do my best.
Thanks for everyone’s support, and congrats to the many new and old jiu jitsu friends that I ran into today. Everyone who I saw compete fought their asses off.